Feelings

I feel the need to hold on to my childhood. I just love the outlook I had when I was younger, and the people that were in my life. I feel like I was more inspired, and just generally felt deeper. I participated in community theatre productions from when I was probably 11 to 16, and my first ever director was a woman named Terri Hilton. She was like the sweetest, funniest, prettiest woman in my 11 year old eyes. She always believed in me and wanted me to continue doing theatre. Anyway, we kept in touch after I graduated high school and when she moved off to Chicago with her husband. And we JUST fell back into contact today. It was weird, when I saw my inbox with her name on it, I started to tear up. She was just, so great, and like, every great memory I have involves her. Turns out she will be moving back here in about two years. She's just the kind of great mentor everyone needs to have in their life- a theatre lover, sarcastic sense of humor, loves Edinburgh (a plus), and great listener. Anyway, that was an exciting point in my day.

I got back from my dance class about an hour ago, it was fun. It was led by a different dancer, Jen, and we did a jazzy, almost fosse-like dance to a Harry Conick, Jr. song. Twas fun.

I should go to bed soon, and get some good sleep. Tomorrow is my Visa appointment for Scotland and my dress alterations for the wedding! Night!

I love being a woman

Okay, there are MANY parts about being a woman that I don't like. Monthly woes, PMS, BIRTHING CHILDREN, but truly, I love being a girl. I love dressing up and going to see shows, I love putting on make up and washing my long curly hair (boys have hair too, though aha), and I love BEING A GIRL. Being feminine is so sexy. Granted, I know I had my days of:




I'm not sure if this WAS tomboy, but I'd like to think the laura ingalls wilder boots were adventurous! :)

Have a great Tuesday!

Mammals and Mondays

Streeeeeeeeeeeeetch. What a tiring weekend. Moving is fun, but liberating. It's nice to decorate my new little nook. It's reinvention. Shouldn't every day be a day like that, though? I shouldn't be SAVING life for special ocassions. In other news, I've been completely fascinated by physical contact lately (when am I not though, really), and its characteristics. Okay, I recall first kisses and such, and I remember really needing to swallow many times before the actual kiss. Out of nerves, I'd assume. But is this true for all? And why do people get SO nervous and anxious and hungry for physical contact on a first date? Our bodies are amazing. And I love that some couples have been holding hands for 30 years and it seems like second nature. Nature is weird. But so good. How does it all work? A series of customs that follow from generation to generation, this connectedness? And dancing? Why does it FEEL so good? And abrazando is like the best thing ever, and feels SO right and comforting. We are seriously mysterious creatures. Anyway, what I"m trying to express is that people touching people is so nice. Physically.

Dazzling

I want to be remarkable. I want to be an elegant, adventurous, delightful young lady. And I want the process to be even better. I want to show people the beauty and colors of the world, and I want to see truth through others. I want to have humbling experiences. I want to slow dance to a jazz tune in the dark. I want to wake up to see the sunrise. I want to laugh and cry. I want to creative. I want I want I want ding ding ding, I know this blog is somewhat weird but I am just so EXCITED to be myself for this world.

ssssssscooootttttlllaaaand!

aaaack, the more I talk to sally (the girl i'll be rooming with in edinburgh), the more excited I am.....we both want to go to Austria and do the sound of music tour.. oh. my. gosh!!!

insert foot (accompanied by large leather boot) in mouth

What I really mean to say is, can't someone understand the random, confusing, nonsensical, musical, often times, irrational, RAMBLINGS that go 'round and stir in my brain during one day? It's a lot to take for a gal like me. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but, it would be great if I could conceptualize something in my brain and express it completely accurately. Ha. Maybe that's what the arts are for. A non traditional way of explaining things abstractly because there is really no other way to do it. That's what laughter, tears, morning bird sounds, and the sweet smelling flowers must be. A way to define abstractly, even eloquently. There is a book I read in elementary school, and in it, the author related loneliness to a balloon drifting, almost strong enough to lightly bounce, losing its helium in a living room. I think it's pretty accurate. It's not that I am lonely, DON'T get me wrong. Great friends, satisfying laughs, good wine, and supportive family. It's just that sometimes moving along, drifting silently and without emotion, is lonely. I'm not a powerful person. I hate debates and I don't always speak my mind. Not necessarily a strong point. Maybe assertion, being more direct, would solve that. A way to live with a point, a direction in sight. Somehow though, I still prefer strong silence. Just being content with oneself and having strong beliefs. I doubt I will ever be the person to hammer down a fight in order to win. I guess I want a little more helium, a little more bounce in my step.

Life's interesting. :)

Halloween deliciously illustrates my childhood.

Obviously Alison was a picnic table (handcrafted by the woman herself), and I was a nightclub singer.  :)