Goals

I've had a solid few weeks to myself since college graduation to really sit and think about life. I have a love/hate relationship with thinking. Sometimes I have too much time to think, and my thoughts seem to have a negative tone. When I have too much time to think, I worry and doubt myself more than I normally would. However, this chunk of forced thinking time has unraveled a bunch of thoughts I was actively avoiding and now they stare snobbishly into my soul!

I think it's a good thing. One way or another, we face our problems. And if we don't, they have a wonderful way to sneak back into our minds. Throughout the course of the last year, I've had certain thoughts/ideas/worries creep back into my mind and settle into my brain searching for a more permanent residence.

The thoughts I have most always relate to my future, my romantic/love life, and my goals. Since I know most of my plans for the summer and beyond, and I'm not actively seeking a love/romantic relationship (rather, right now, I'm openly embracing all forms of love- and am unbelievably grateful and excited for the love I've been given by my friends and family in the last few weeks), I want to focus on my goals.

I don't think my goals are very out of reach. I think that I'm the one who always stops myself before I achieve them. Right now, my biggest goal is to start a journal. That I write in. Every day. I've always been the girl who writes every five months in her journals, whenever something wonderfully amazing or tragic happens in her life. But I want to write every day, and I want to write and express myself so that I don't end up bottling my emotions up (like usual) and explode in an irrational way. Also, I have a huge fear that when I'm 50 I'll forget about the beautiful memories of my twenties, and I want to be able to record what goes on in my world. Mostly I'm doing this for my health, and to show myself that I care about my well being. I want to give myself the opportunity to just write, and it might be nice to look back after a year's worth of entries to see if there are any themes and to see where I am.

I think that's it for now. :)