where am I?

I wish I had a stronger sense of self. I know that in the last year my life has been one small transition after another (bad break up, living abroad, moving multiple times, changing majors, weight gain, etc) , but maybe change would generally be easier for me if I had a strong emotional core. I know the thoughts in my mind are extremely typical of someone almost out of college, and there is a little bit of comfort in that, but most of the time, I feel pressure to know exactly what I want and to be exactly who I want to be. Now, most people usually never know exactly what they want, and most people are ever evolving as their personalities and goals develop. It's just that I feel slightly lost, and there are those rare moments when I feel exactly who I should be, but it's like trying to hold on to a feather in the wind. It's a little flare of something and then back to confusion.

I would love it if the majority of my days left me feeling:
confident
satisfied
self-assured
beautiful
eager
motivated

I don't mean to be so negative. I truly enjoy life and the friends and family I am blessed to have. I am so lucky to have the life I have, and I really try to appreciate that. I guess I just want more clarity and ease?

yeah.

Exploration

phew. I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to write. I have black paint on my hot pink nails from striking the "Will Rogers Follies" set and re-painting part of the stage. My thoughts today have sort of been a jumble. I think about a lot of the same things every day. One of these things is having a stronger sense of self. I'm scared to go into this world without the knowledge of who I am. Is there something I could be doing that would help me feel better acquainted with me? I hang out with friends, I do activities I enjoy, I think I hang out with myself.

yep...I don't think I'm in the mood to write.