in "you're a good man, charlie brown"..."happiness is a fleeting thing".
will I be TRULY and incandescently happy?
Once I feel that happiness, it seems to slip away. Or it becomes unattainable. Am I asking for things out of my reach? Are my expectations too high? Will I ever find what I am looking for?
Frustrating and weird.
Maybe if I don't rely on being or feeling something, it will just happen.
Hmm.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
It's interesting...
It's interesting and slightly weird to step outside of ourselves. I know I am Anna and have various physical and emotional traits that make me me. It is funny, however, to view myself as an actual working tool that exerts energy and is apart of a world which is apart of a planet which is apart of a solar system. It actually really weirds me out. We function, interact, sleep, eat, and make choices. We encounter people who we view as friends, family, acquaintances, etc.
This Christmas season has felt less magical than usual. I hate the idea that I do not dream of sugarplum fairies or feel as excited to eat a chocolate from my advent calendar. But maybe that's what having kids feels like. Finding a renewed sense of imagination, hopes, and curiosity. I feel these things on a normal basis, but not in the extreme amount I did as a child. Growing up has been a crazy experience, but mostly good. There's an abundance of new feelings. But here I am COMPLAINING that I "can't feel the Christmas magic", when so many people suffer. The economy is in such a bind, and here I am, as always, without a worry in the world. I have non-monetary worries, but I never live in fear of where I will find food or how I will get a roof over my head. My parents never waver in being extremely financially and emotionally supportive.
I guess one of my new years' resolutions is to use myself, this body and soul, as a tool in a positive way. Yes, getting drunk and throwing up slightly has it's upsides, but it doesn't need to be done every weekend. Going shopping for new clothes is fun, but again, not completely necessary when so many people are without things. It's easy to help others, but how often do I really do that? And with so many worries and fears regarding post-college life, can't I once step aside and be an active listener for a friend or peer?
Lots to think about.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and is able to feel their place in the world.
<3
This Christmas season has felt less magical than usual. I hate the idea that I do not dream of sugarplum fairies or feel as excited to eat a chocolate from my advent calendar. But maybe that's what having kids feels like. Finding a renewed sense of imagination, hopes, and curiosity. I feel these things on a normal basis, but not in the extreme amount I did as a child. Growing up has been a crazy experience, but mostly good. There's an abundance of new feelings. But here I am COMPLAINING that I "can't feel the Christmas magic", when so many people suffer. The economy is in such a bind, and here I am, as always, without a worry in the world. I have non-monetary worries, but I never live in fear of where I will find food or how I will get a roof over my head. My parents never waver in being extremely financially and emotionally supportive.
I guess one of my new years' resolutions is to use myself, this body and soul, as a tool in a positive way. Yes, getting drunk and throwing up slightly has it's upsides, but it doesn't need to be done every weekend. Going shopping for new clothes is fun, but again, not completely necessary when so many people are without things. It's easy to help others, but how often do I really do that? And with so many worries and fears regarding post-college life, can't I once step aside and be an active listener for a friend or peer?
Lots to think about.
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and is able to feel their place in the world.
<3
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