here is what I feel...

I feel like I can't find the balance between taking care of myself and feeling selfish. Do I use people without knowing it? When we want to hang out with our friends and make it work for our schedules, isn't that selfish? If we ask someone for a favor, is it because we only care about ourselves and we want to take the easy way out by asking someone else to do something? I've had a rough few weeks and it's been dramatic to say the least. I feel like I don't do enough therapeutic things and that I really should. But I feel guilty whenever I have "me" time.

"Your body is a temple". My friend used this to describe a theme in a book she is reading. I feel like I don't treat my body like a temple. I don't drink enough water, I consume way too much alcohol, I don't exercise as much as I should, and I've allowed others to disrespect my body in the past. I've spent so much time and energy in the last year trying to take care of other people who weren't there for me and I'm truly sick of it! I think I've resisted taking care of myself because I don't even know what that is anymore. I feel like I've forgotten what "healthy" feels like. But I am beginning to understand (as long and difficult as it's been to admit this) that taking care of myself will deeply affect how I treat others and present myself (ideas, hopes and passions) to the world. I am so grateful for the family and friends in my life who bring laughter, honesty, and a positive attitude to this world.

May I please have...

a fresh start? I have a whole bunch of horrible and blecky memories, and if I can't delete them I would at least like to believe that they helped me grow in some way, and then set them aside. I wish I wouldn't let people affect me so. I have great people in my life that are creative, bright, active, and thoughtful, and I'd like some more of those people to drift my way.


HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.